Little fact about me, I like to write. I think I’ve been writing my whole life. Here are some of my writings, sweet pieces by me.
A friend of mine recently posted a meme with a question…
There comes a point when you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people. The question is, is that your problem or theirs?
I have thought of this MANY, MANY times myself. It’s time I answer this for me too my friend. However, before I answer this with the quick rebuttal of , ” Theirs. You just be good enough for yourself. That’s all that matters. 💯 true to you. Period, the end.”
I have two questions that come to mind when asked the above question. Number 1 is when it comes down to it, why are you worried if you are good enough for “some people”? And Number two, why are you worried about whose problem it is, if it is anyone’s at all? Now, let me answer these in my own professional opinion. Because it matters. 😉
If you are worried about #1, this would be insecurity. I have some, I admit. I have a lot when it comes to family. Ever since I was little. Did I do it right? Did I do it as good as my big sister and my big brother? Am I as smart as them? Are my parents as proud of me as they are of them? I lived my life the way I wanted to and not the way they would have done it. I took the road less traveled, several times. I made mistakes. I still make mistakes. I made sacrifices. I made a life that I have to live in. Of course I will always wonder these questions. I finally realize that I must move on from this. The constant wondering, the constant worrying. It isn’t good for my well-being, my soul. I have tortured myself long enough and have been hard on myself for too long. Why couldn’t I be more like my older siblings? They have their crap together. They seem to, “have it all”. I am almost 44 years old and I don’t feel like I have my “crap together”. I did at one point in my life. ONE TIME. I felt like I “had it all”. The house, car, family life, job, living the “dream”. Did I ever hear a “We are so proud of you?” or a “Wow, you are doing really well for yourself?” No, no I did not. I think I heard a “hmm well guess you have everything now huh?” – Nothing changed but the way of MY OWN THINKING. I thought to myself, I’ll do really, really well for myself, then they will be proud of me, then they will say atta girl. I think that is what I was looking for. Validation. Validation that I was living my life the way that THEY think I should be living it. So the point of that is, well, I should live my life the way I want to because it doesn’t matter what “they” think. If I keep worrying how I am living my life according to their standards, I will always be thinking, “am I good enough”. I have to stop. Stop beating myself up. I don’t HAVE to be like them. I don’t HAVE to feel like I’m not good enough. I need to be ME, do ME. Do whatever the heck I want in my crazy, not-so-perfect life. I live with the choices, the outcomes. Does that hurt them inside? Maybe, but if they are the family that they should be, they will always, always be supportive. They would always say, do what makes YOU happy Charlene, even though they might be thinking “even though that is not what I would do”. What if they don’t say that? Then you move on. You chalk it up to they are not “that” family. They are them, and that’s ok. You be YOU.
Let’s dissect the question a little bit more. What people? You say “some people”. Do you mean friends? Family? Or just random people? Or guys/girls? Again, you know what? Stop worrying about those “some people”. I have to tell myself this, in fact, I will right now. Charlene – don’t you pay any attention to “those people”. Why would we waste our precious time, our precious breath with one iota of a thought or word towards these negative, hurtful people. Although, maybe they are not negative or hurtful? Maybe they never voice much to you, but you still have these thoughts about “am I good enough”. I honestly think, if I …or you, have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t hang around these people. Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to be near them. Find new friends, find a new tribe. Find your people, because they are probably not it.
Number 2 – Why does it have to be their problem or yours? Or anyone’s? It’s a way of thinking, you think you’re not good enough. Well, I’m here to tell you, you ARE good enough. God made you beautiful, important, unique. You are one of a kind. You are His. You are special and terrific. You matter. You may dance to the beat of your own drum and you know what? That is OK. If anyone thinks you are not good enough, then who cares? That is their opinion and we all know that opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. HA! (sorry I had to say that) What I really mean is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And my opinion is that you are AMAZING. I’m amazing. You know why? Because out of the 7.7 billion people on this earth God made you, and me. That’s pretty special don’t you think? We all have our unique qualities, quirks and qualms. That is what makes us, well us.
That’s right, His image. Also, what does that say? He looks “past your mistakes”. That is pretty nifty right there. Does your family, or friends or “those people” do that? Why wouldn’t they? Don’t they think you are perfect just the way you are? Stop thinking of what they think of you. God says you are a masterpiece. For those of you that would like more detail on that… masterpiece: “a work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship”. So there you have it.
I have finally answered the burning questions of am I good enough or did I do it right. Yes I am and it doesn’t matter. What is right or wrong? I did it the way I wanted to. I got that tattoo of my son’s foot, I have to live with it. It’s mine and I rather like it. I lived in and sold 4 houses and have not really “settled down”. Those were my choices. Wrong or right, it does not matter. Maybe all of these decisions are leading me to the life I have always wanted and dreamed of. Maybe they are leading me to somewhere better, somewhere I need to be. Maybe not physically, but mentally.
Am I happy, yes. I finally choose to be. Do I have everything I want, no. Do I have everything I need, yes. Is my life “perfect”, not at all. Is it “good enough” for me, yes. If it’s not and that answer is no, I’ll be the one to change it. I’ll change it when I want to, when the time is right and when it works for me. Or I will at least I will work on it the best way I know how. My way. It might not be “some people’s” way or “some people’s” thoughts of how you should do it, but that’s ok. Do it your way, do you.
I really, really hope this has helped you. Shoot, it helped me.
Disclaimer: *This is my personal review and in no way paid for or sponsored by anyone, just a self proclaimed foodie/blogger wanting to share her experience*
How do you eat your hot dog? Pick it up and open wide? Take 2 bites, 1 of the dog on bottom, then 1 of the toppings? Or it’s so huge you’ll just use a fork and knife? Well, for me, I used all 3 methods of hot dog eating to chow down on this beautiful dog right here!
For lunch, I had the convenience of the Doggiestyle Hot Dog “wagon” at my work in Rocklin, CA. This was my second time trying it so I knew it would be good. They have a very simple menu. They have a Nathan’s Hot Dog, Chili Cheese Dog, Puerto Rico Style Dog, German brat, Vegan dog, and a Chicken Asiago dog. I went for the German brat with sauerkraut, some slices of ham and swiss cheese. It was topped with a little spicy brown mustard as well which was the perfect compliment to the smoky brat. This is a hearty meal people. This dog is not a snack food. It is filling and comforting with all of the traditional “hot dog feels” you can get. It was messy, yes. However, they do give you 3 or 4 heavy duty napkins which prepares you for this. The only thing is, I wish the temperature would have been hotter. The cheese was only slightly melted and I am particular about having hot food! Other than that, I would say that Doggiestyle Hot Dogs is a superb choice for getting your hot dog fix!
I would definitely recommend to find out their next stop by stalking their Facebook page HERE.
Thanks for visiting! Enjoy your Summer!
So, I have some things to say. I’ve always been a writer and a talker, but mostly a talker. However, I’ve always loved to write and I’m not sure why I don’t do it more often. Probably because I just don’t have the time. I’m a part-time, working mom, and taking care of a Pre-Schooler and 1st Grader. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you, that’s a handful. At least in my world it is. 😉
A few things have been bothering me. Maybe you can relate to this or at least understand my points of view. I have a couple of pet peeves and I will elaborate on this. This is just my opinion, and like that even matters (haha!), but I love to write about things that others only think about. Especially things that people think but do not say.
So here we go…
Did you ever notice that we are now older but not wiser? We have more money, but we are not richer. We have more conveniences but do we have more time? We have more friends, (ie 365 friends on Facebook) but we are lonely. We have more toys, tools and gadgets and gizmos but are bored out of our minds! These are the “things” that are truly bothering me these days!
I guess to start, I am just feeling my age! I’m 43 and I do feel older, a lot older. But when I really think about it, do I feel wiser? I did get my Associates degree, and a Culinary Diploma, but I really don’t feel any “smarter”. I have friends and associates that continued on with school, obtained their Bachelor’s and now have that “dream job” or that “career they’ve always wanted”. Way to go friend. I feel like I was in that same educational “race” but then tripped on a rock or bump and I have stumbled into a learning abyss, I fell flat on my face and never crossed the finish line. I don’t believe that I’ll be advancing or moving forward because I’m stuck in that comfy rut. In my job that “pays pretty good” and that gives me that schedule that is convenient for my kids and I. But is this what I really want?? Will this “job” fulfill me and have me thinking, this is the best job for me and I’m finally happy! In the end, that is all we really want, to be happy. To feel we have accomplished and succeeded. Are 95% of us feeling this way? Are you looking for motivational Periscope videos too and signing up on Linked In to make connections with people that you will never come close to meeting or being in their “circle”?? Is it just me?
What I mean by we are richer but we have less money, is exactly that. We are making more money than we did 10 years ago, but we don’t really have money. Things are more expensive, there are now daycare costs and other costs we never even dreamed of. We are working moms, paying for daycare costs to help take care of our kids, which would cost us nothing if we were just able to stay home! Part of our pay is going to those costs, along with subscriptions to Ipsy, Sephora and Birchbox, so we can get products to help us look better and feel better about being a tired mother. We are also going broke paying for those uber convenient meals-in-a-box like Hello Fresh, Blue Apron and the like so we can get dinner on the table in 30 minutes because life is crazy and we are exhausted from working all day. The last thing we want to do is meal plan, grocery shop or cook a home cooked meal for God’s sake! Not to mention, we are buying more of those convenience foods like toaster breakfasts, lunch in a bento box, or even just forking out the $3.30 per hot lunch per day for our kiddos. Then we factor in the pizza at least once a week or even twice a week due to sports, extra curricular activities and just being down right tired! What about school pictures – 2 x a year @ at least $25 a pop, plus all of those darn fundraisers for the school? I mean, I’m all for buying some delicious cookie dough (thank you Otis) but darn, I sure as heck didn’t figure $30 into the food budget for that! Or what about the jump-a-thon, dance-a-thon, jog-a-thon or bike-a-thon fundraisers! Did you factor all of that into your budget?? Does your budget allow for all of this or do you somehow just make it work, like I do??? Do you see what I mean about not having any money? Because after all this, I am pretty much broke. Well, I have money for the wine and bourbon that we feel we need to have because we are so stressed about money (and kids! haha)…so after buying that, we definitely have no money. (I’m kidding, but you get the idea right???)
We have all these conveniences but do we have more time? We have a microwave that can “nuke” our food in minutes, yet we still spend hours in the kitchen! We spend hours on You Tube and Facebook watching foodie and recipe videos and we still have no idea what to cook for dinner! We have a cell phone where we can order food in minutes, buy tickets, shop for anything anywhere at anytime, check our emails, voicemails, talk to people with the push of a button, order groceries, buy something and have it delivered in 2 hours, look up information and ask Google or Alexa for anything. Yet we are still rushed, pressed for time, stressed about everything we have to get done and have even more to do now than we did 20 years ago. I’m constantly hearing my parents say, “When I was your age, we didn’t have to worry about cell phones or giving our kids tablets or electronic devices!”….Oh my gosh, how in the world did you order a pizza, check the weather,do that book report or get your kids to listen??? The answers were, call it in, watch the nightly news at 10 pm, go to the library and spank them! But these things took time! So, if we are saving SO much time by having a cell phone (ordering online), looking up the weather online or using the internet for that book report, where is all the saved time going?? I figure that would save us about 4 – 5 hours right there! Where did it go? And then there is the hour that we saved by microwaving our dinner. Plus the two hours that we didn’t waste grocery shopping at the physical store, hmmm…that is at least 8 hours! Dang, I could do A LOT with 8 more hours in the day! Even if you cut that in half, that is four freaking hours! Well, I suppose I didn’t get to level 255 in Candy Crush overnight.
I never used to have 365 friends. At least I don’t think I had that many in my “contacts” or “address book” as it was called then. I had maybe 30 or 40? So, now that Facebook helped me find all these people that “I might know”, I seem to be lingering around the 365 mark of “Friends”. Thank you Facebook for also importing them ALL into my contacts on my phone. Did I know I was doing that at the time?? Now I have eight, yes that is 8, Michelle’s in my phone that I’m pretty sure I have no idea who they are but you seem to think they are my “friends”. Well, I may know 1 of them, and we might have been close at one time. (This is an example! One of my best-est friends is a Michelle!) Do you see my point?? So, why is it that I feel lonelier than ever? It could be that I’m a 43-year-old mom with younger aged children and most of the moms my age kids are graduating high school. Or it could be that most ladies my age are settled down in a house and I’m now in an apartment. Or it could be because stupid Facebook said and led me to believe these people would be my friend and they are not! I might hear from about 25 of them on a daily basis, if that! In fact, just recently that number of 365 dwindled to 273 and not one of those 92 people even reached out to say hey, why did you delete me? Hmm, not so much a friend in the end. We use social media so much these days like Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Linked In, so why do we feel so disconnected? We are losing our “connections” by putting our face into an electronic device instead of picking up the phone and saying “hey, I miss you, let’s talk”. But…we are saving time by not picking up the phone and having that 2-hour phone call and texting instead…so where did those 2 hours go that we saved?? Well, we spend 1 hour on the phone texting that person, then spent 1 hour playing Farmville? However we also sent 3 emails, made 2 appointments and listened to 4 voicemails. *Sigh*
So nowadays, we have less time, we are busier, more stressed, have less money and feel lonelier. Internet to blame? Social Media? Most people say that social media brings their family closer. Hmm, I have to disagree myself. I’m sure others would disagree as well. They would see that picture of the girl’s night out that they didn’t get invited to and be like “that bxxxx didn’t invite me!”. Hmmm, that has ever happened to me. (RIGHT!)
We have all these cool gadgets from Pampered Chef, Harbor Freight, Best Buy, Fry’s, we have tablets and devices, game systems and toys…oh so many toys, but we are bored. Our kids can’t sit and “play” for five minutes without saying “I don’t have anything to do”…as I look around in the SEA of toys surrounding them. We can’t wait in a line for 3 minutes without pulling out our cell phone and checking our Facebook feed or sending a text. We are constantly looking for that instant gratification or quick fix. We are all a bunch of junkies! That’s it. We are junkies who haven’t much money, we are short on time, without real friends, with too much stuff.
I have recently moved from state to state. I’ve lost touch with some of my friends, well all of them really. I wonder why they don’t call or text even, but then I realize I haven’t called either. It’s been a hard few months transitioning from a home to an apartment. It’s still hard. I have been purging like crazy because like I said above, we have too much “stuff”. It’s all been a learning experience.
I hope to make some new friends here or at least reconnect with some old ones. I don’t have much time because I am a busy working mother, but hey maybe you can come over and I’ll open up a Hello Fresh bag and that bottle of bourbon I was talking about?
I hope you liked my rant and my “deep thoughts”. I do love writing and hope I get to do it again soon…
So, from the kitchen this morning, while making my morning coffee, I heard that sound…that digusting sound of something being choked up from the back of an animal’s throat. My dog was throwing up! Uggghhhh
I grabbed a few paper towels and a plastic bag and ran to my bedroom where she was. My 3-1/2 year old was on the bed watching toy videos on his Kindle. He says the doggie threw up. (As if I could NOT hear that noise from anywhere in the house) I asked him where it is and he stands on the bed and points directly at it, “There!”. Ok so I start wiping up the bulk of it (looks like corn…wow when did she even get corn – I’m dumbfounded, plus we haven’t had corn for at least 3 days) My son gags. Then I inhale and I start to gag. Wow, possibly the second worst smell, number one being dog poop. My son gags again. Oh my gosh, is he going to throw up? He’s on my bed…please don’t throw up. I tell him to hide under the covers where it’s safe. Can I hide too? I continue to wipe up and get the Bissell carpet cleaner. Ok whew, all done. Now I REALLY need that morning coffee.
I head back to the kitchen to add my creamer and of course whipped cream. I open the fridge and here comes said toddler. He grabs a can of 7-up and goes to find his cup and straw. Soda at 9am? I don’t THINK SO. “No Wyatt”, I tell him, “You can have apple juice”. He runs from the kitchen yelling and goes back to our room. I can hear him reasoning with himself out loud and saying I need my Dada. Which of course he does because mommy is mean and said no. I wonder if this attitude comes from not seeing his dada last night. Galen worked late and then went out with the guys for pizza to say goodbye to one of his employees, so he got home a little late and Wyatt was already in bed.
I just feel like if this is any indication of how the day is going to go, I’m headed back to bed.
Oh wait, I can’t because I do have a 2 year old, still in her crib. So I reheat my coffee, add all the “bad stuff” and head to the computer where I must vent about my morning so I can have a clear head for the day. Well, “try” to have a clear head. Most of the time I have about 100 thoughts running through my mind at all times. I might write again later if I have time. However, I hope to get a shower when the 2 year old naps since I have a girl’s night out tonight. Wine and coloring. I’m SO looking forward to that. Then I have to make a sympathy card for a dear friend that just lost her father.
Well, it’s time to make breakfast and get Sophie up. Hope you have a blessed day that doesn’t involve any doggie throw up. Or toddler screaming. 🙂
Yes, it is almost 8:30AM and my 2 kids are still sleeping. (3-1/2 year old and 2 year old) I get a lot of friends asking me, do you wake a sleeping child? No! Why poke a sleeping bear? More on this in a minute…
So this morning, I set my alarm for 7:15AM. It went off, I grabbed my phone like I was going to get up, then stretched, curled back up and closed my eyes. I rested for what seemed like 5 minutes, but it was actually an hour! Oh man, there goes my blogging time. However, I got up, made my coffee and got the kid’s milks ready. Back to the keyboard I go and here I am typing away and it is 9AM. I feel blessed. Relaxed. So back to the question, do I wake the kids? So they are “sleeping in” a little, don’t bother them. Enjoy sipping your coffee for one minute and just breathe. Because you and I both know that it is short-lived. 😉
(Enter kid #1)
I’ll keep writing until I have to make breakfast, but I just wanted to say some more about this. So back to waking them…why wake them if their bodies are telling them to sleep? So, they will get a little off schedule. That’s ok! I know my son was very tired from going to a Monster Truck show with daddy last night. He didn’t nap yesterday and woke up at about 9am and went to sleep on his way home about 9pm. That’s a LONG day for a 3-1/2 year old so I know his little body needs that rest.
My daughter is teething or growing because she has been extra feisty lately. So I know that any extra sleep will help her. If I were to wake either of them, there would be sadness, confusion, whiny children and then an irritated mommy. Why cause all that? 🙂
Instead, we have 2 adorable “quiet” toddlers, a calm mommy getting fueled up for another busy day. There’s a load of laundry to do, dishes to put away and a possible grocery trip. However, it’s pretty rainy out and as you know that would not make it a fun trip for mommy or the toddlers. Hmmm…I wonder if I can get what I need on Amazon Prime Now. Have you tried it? WOW, it’s amazing. No fee, (except for the $100/year Prime Membership), optional tip for the driver and 2 hours later you have your order. I’ve used it several times and I’m spoiled! I think I could find something to order everyday 😉 Anyway, it’s only available in major cities right now so you might not be able to try it, but if you get a chance definitely give it a go!
Ok #2 is awake now and I’m ready for today!
Have a great, restful day!
I got up at 7:30AM this morning. Ok, so that’s not early for most of you but it is for me LOL! My kids have been trained to sleep in. We usually put them in bed about 9 or 9:30 so they sleep until 8:30 or 9. It’s NOT clockwork by any means and it’s been rough the last couple weeks. After the holidays we got off schedule because of staying up late and the kids were sleeping until 9:30-10! Which hey, that’s ok for me since I was staying up until 1 or 2am stamping! (Ugh…crazy I know!) We finally had a couple of days (4 or 5 really) where we got the kids up by 8:30 so they went down for a nap by 2 (instead of 3!) and in bed by 9. I’m okay with that. I’m a night owl, so if I get 2-3 hours in the evening to cuddle and watch shows with my hubby, then I’m happy. :-)Even happier if I get to stamp and make cards! However, I need to also sleep train MYSELF! I have gotten used to going to bed at 12-1am and sleeping until 9! I would love to have a couple hours in the morning to myself. Me and coffee. Quiet. Then I could write, journal, read, stamp and make cards, scrapbook…or whatever! So that is a definite resolution for me. I feel like I have all these thoughts and ideas in my head and I need to get them out!
One BIG problem is that the computer now lives in the garage. Why? Well, we wanted to make room for other things and not have the rooms look so cluttered. My stamping space was also out in the garage (I had a space heater), plus it’s California, not like the weather is that bad. So in November my husband said just move what you NEED to stamp and make cards into the spare room and he moved the baby’s crib into our son’s room. SWEET! Dude, I moved all my stuff in a couple hours during the baby’s nap time. IT WAS ON. I am nice and toasty when I’m crafting now. 🙂
So now, I’m happily crafting away…but I have this deep desire to write. Not just “blog” but actually write! I have ideas for children’s books in my head as well as two ideas for novels (fiction and sci-fi). I have no idea why I feel this pull to write but I know I must. I think it must be what “The Force” feels like. So, moving the computer is next.
This leads me to my New Years Resolutions! C’mon, we all do it. We make them. We break them. Maybe we make them just to have something to break? HA! Well anyway here they are!
- Get up earlier
- Write more
- Blog more (yes different than writing!)
- Eat more salads
- Eat healthier
- Scrapbook more
- Make more cards
- SEND more cards
- Pray more & pray more for my kids!
- Spend more time with my kiddos!
Yes, I realize that #9 and 10 should be at the top…these aren’t really in any particular order…but I do feel that in order to do #2 – 10, #1 definitely has to happen first! hahaha
When I started this blog, I hoped it would be a place where I could write my little anecdotes, share pictures of the littles and their cute videos, share my photography (another hobby of mine), share my cards and scrap booking.
However, being a mom of TWO toddlers…well there’s that whole I don’t have time for ME thing. Well, I’m making it! I recently saw a video of Jada Pinkett Smith answering her daughters question about how hard it is being a wife and a mother. I feel like she was answering this question for me! She hits the nail on the head. It’s very hard to balance being a wife and a mother and still being able to enjoy what we want in life. It’s our life too, remember? So the list above doesn’t include “spend more time doing things for myself” but I feel that 1-8 are doing exactly that. I mean, the list could go on and on…get more massages, get more pedicures, go mall shopping (for myself), have more coffee dates with friends, have more girl’s (mom’s) nights out, etc etc etc. I would really love all of that…but time, money and resources are all a factor. So for now, I’d be fulfilled with the 10 above…for now.
Now my son has come into the garage (with his Kindle) and is asking me to hold him so I must go for now…but I’ll leave you with this…sometimes the only thing holding us back is US.
Here’s a couple of pictures of my cuties opening presents at Christmas! Sophie was fully aware of what was going on and loved every minute! This one is a bit blurry (most are because my kids never sit still!) but I just loved how she held up these Frozen toys. She loves her Frozen 🙂
Ok, so my son is now out here and in full “I’m going to annoy my mom mode”. Can’t get writing done yelling “stop” every 2 minutes. Guess my time is up. Guess 30 minutes of writing will have to do!
Now, go out and do what YOU want to do. It’s a new day, a fresh start.