A friend of mine recently posted a meme with a question…
There comes a point when you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people. The question is, is that your problem or theirs?
I have thought of this MANY, MANY times myself. It’s time I answer this for me too my friend. However, before I answer this with the quick rebuttal of , ” Theirs. You just be good enough for yourself. That’s all that matters. 💯 true to you. Period, the end.”
I have two questions that come to mind when asked the above question. Number 1 is when it comes down to it, why are you worried if you are good enough for “some people”? And Number two, why are you worried about whose problem it is, if it is anyone’s at all? Now, let me answer these in my own professional opinion. Because it matters. 😉
If you are worried about #1, this would be insecurity. I have some, I admit. I have a lot when it comes to family. Ever since I was little. Did I do it right? Did I do it as good as my big sister and my big brother? Am I as smart as them? Are my parents as proud of me as they are of them? I lived my life the way I wanted to and not the way they would have done it. I took the road less traveled, several times. I made mistakes. I still make mistakes. I made sacrifices. I made a life that I have to live in. Of course I will always wonder these questions. I finally realize that I must move on from this. The constant wondering, the constant worrying. It isn’t good for my well-being, my soul. I have tortured myself long enough and have been hard on myself for too long. Why couldn’t I be more like my older siblings? They have their crap together. They seem to, “have it all”. I am almost 44 years old and I don’t feel like I have my “crap together”. I did at one point in my life. ONE TIME. I felt like I “had it all”. The house, car, family life, job, living the “dream”. Did I ever hear a “We are so proud of you?” or a “Wow, you are doing really well for yourself?” No, no I did not. I think I heard a “hmm well guess you have everything now huh?” – Nothing changed but the way of MY OWN THINKING. I thought to myself, I’ll do really, really well for myself, then they will be proud of me, then they will say atta girl. I think that is what I was looking for. Validation. Validation that I was living my life the way that THEY think I should be living it. So the point of that is, well, I should live my life the way I want to because it doesn’t matter what “they” think. If I keep worrying how I am living my life according to their standards, I will always be thinking, “am I good enough”. I have to stop. Stop beating myself up. I don’t HAVE to be like them. I don’t HAVE to feel like I’m not good enough. I need to be ME, do ME. Do whatever the heck I want in my crazy, not-so-perfect life. I live with the choices, the outcomes. Does that hurt them inside? Maybe, but if they are the family that they should be, they will always, always be supportive. They would always say, do what makes YOU happy Charlene, even though they might be thinking “even though that is not what I would do”. What if they don’t say that? Then you move on. You chalk it up to they are not “that” family. They are them, and that’s ok. You be YOU.
Let’s dissect the question a little bit more. What people? You say “some people”. Do you mean friends? Family? Or just random people? Or guys/girls? Again, you know what? Stop worrying about those “some people”. I have to tell myself this, in fact, I will right now. Charlene – don’t you pay any attention to “those people”. Why would we waste our precious time, our precious breath with one iota of a thought or word towards these negative, hurtful people. Although, maybe they are not negative or hurtful? Maybe they never voice much to you, but you still have these thoughts about “am I good enough”. I honestly think, if I …or you, have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t hang around these people. Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to be near them. Find new friends, find a new tribe. Find your people, because they are probably not it.
Number 2 – Why does it have to be their problem or yours? Or anyone’s? It’s a way of thinking, you think you’re not good enough. Well, I’m here to tell you, you ARE good enough. God made you beautiful, important, unique. You are one of a kind. You are His. You are special and terrific. You matter. You may dance to the beat of your own drum and you know what? That is OK. If anyone thinks you are not good enough, then who cares? That is their opinion and we all know that opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. HA! (sorry I had to say that) What I really mean is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And my opinion is that you are AMAZING. I’m amazing. You know why? Because out of the 7.7 billion people on this earth God made you, and me. That’s pretty special don’t you think? We all have our unique qualities, quirks and qualms. That is what makes us, well us.
That’s right, His image. Also, what does that say? He looks “past your mistakes”. That is pretty nifty right there. Does your family, or friends or “those people” do that? Why wouldn’t they? Don’t they think you are perfect just the way you are? Stop thinking of what they think of you. God says you are a masterpiece. For those of you that would like more detail on that… masterpiece: “a work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship”. So there you have it.
I have finally answered the burning questions of am I good enough or did I do it right. Yes I am and it doesn’t matter. What is right or wrong? I did it the way I wanted to. I got that tattoo of my son’s foot, I have to live with it. It’s mine and I rather like it. I lived in and sold 4 houses and have not really “settled down”. Those were my choices. Wrong or right, it does not matter. Maybe all of these decisions are leading me to the life I have always wanted and dreamed of. Maybe they are leading me to somewhere better, somewhere I need to be. Maybe not physically, but mentally.
Am I happy, yes. I finally choose to be. Do I have everything I want, no. Do I have everything I need, yes. Is my life “perfect”, not at all. Is it “good enough” for me, yes. If it’s not and that answer is no, I’ll be the one to change it. I’ll change it when I want to, when the time is right and when it works for me. Or I will at least I will work on it the best way I know how. My way. It might not be “some people’s” way or “some people’s” thoughts of how you should do it, but that’s ok. Do it your way, do you.
I really, really hope this has helped you. Shoot, it helped me.